The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
