I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
