There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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