It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
