I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
