yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
