Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
