can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
