I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
