Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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