I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Holy shit dude........stairs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
