did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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