My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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