God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
