NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
