then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
