then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
