All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
