im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
