if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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