this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
