Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
