She is in my trunk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
