seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
