Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My balls are so social today.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
