Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
