he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
