Don't you send me to vm
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
