don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your cock deserves a montage
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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