you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
