Got a toothbrush?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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