I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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