mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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