There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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