Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
