Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
