No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
