I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We have started to decorate penises.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
