the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
