So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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