Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
