It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
