I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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