Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
