I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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