batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
