I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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