I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
