Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
