im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
