i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Be still, my beating vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
