I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
