So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
