You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
