"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
